the heart

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

it's such a fickle thing. so quick to judge, and so hard to express. no matter what happens in life, the good or the bad, those unexplainable emotions come creeping back in. they can be triggered at the most inappropriate times. certain memories, no matter how hard you try to suppress or forget them, will creep back in eventually; almost with no control. something so simple as a smell, a sound, a song, a word....a picture; can stop your breath and cripple your senses. it all comes flooding back again; like it neverleft at all. and then what? you're captivated. it takes your thoughts, your full attention, and everything you have; even to rid yourself of it...of that memory...that feeling. will time cause it to cease? i'm not sure....i doubtit. the heart feels for a reason. is it supposed to stop or change? so then,with each moment, shall we live? follow each passing emotion and opportunity? life is about living and learning, is it not? but why waste our moments to learn from heartbreak...from pain? why believe that what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger? why risk at all?

because....would i have ever fully felt at all? it wouldn't be worth it in the end if it were only half-hearted....guarded. but this heart has learned...it will remain at an arms length. i have felt. and those feelings don't fade. maybe i'll re-think this stance someday. but for now...why?