goodbye

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

You may never understand this entrapment you've caused. How everyday slips by like it was never meant to be. How every thought comes back to you, and the pain starts all over again.
My own finger holding the trigger; firmly pressing the barrel to my heart. Trembling, I dare to suppress it more so to never feel like this again. Your words fill my head….your songs strip open my soul, baring it for all to see. And you leave me here, alone and destroyed. Devastated and forced to start from square one.
The blood will never wipe clean from your hands…my blood will always lay as a stain tinting your flesh, begging you to remember your guilt as you run from your own choices.
Every tear was wasted; a lost cause of false hope. Life has become no more than a surreal game in which I waste my days grasping for hope and happiness again. Clinging to, while at the same time rejecting any semblance of restoration to my heart...to my peace and my faith in humanity. These walls have become impenetrable and I cannot tear them down. What's left to hide? You took it all. You drained me; and yet, it was I who allowed you to.
You're killing me with these nightmares that never cease. And so it's today….today I let go. I refuse to be held down any longer. I can stand up and walk forward; one step at a time. It's so hard to move on, especially "when you haunt the whole room." But here I stand. Ready to move. Ready to live. And ready to let you go. Today I let you out of my heart…I force you out of my mind. I cut you, all of you, out of my life. The hardest step I've ever had to take is the only one I can. You can no longer hold pieces of me. You can no longer have power over my life. Today I say goodbye to the memories. I say goodbye to you...you who once had all of me.

"Farewell, the days that were to be remembered... so sad their departure.
Facing the future has never hurt so utterly, yet still there is a soft, undying light at the tunnels end...
all the promises betrayed, I lie here in my defeat screaming, cursing your name... With not but even the slightest glimpse of a response...
lies, deceit, untruths from the start have brought me to this place of brokenness...
finally collapsing, bleeding and helpless, you walk away and act as if you never saw me fall or struggle to stand again...
I lifelessly lie next to your spatted words.. alone... and in this I am free...

who knew freedom could hurt so bad...?"-ddr